Doctor and nurse jokes Jokes Funny Doctor and nurse jokes Jokes

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How many physiotherapists does it take to from Flashcomment Doctor and nurse jokes Jokes
How many physiotherapists does it take to change a light bulb? None. They just give the dead bulb some exercises to do and hope it will be working a bit better the next time they see it.

What is a doubleblind studyTwo orthopaedists reading from Flashcomment Doctor and nurse jokes Jokes
What is a double-blind study? Two orthopaedists reading an electrocardiogram.

Whats the difference between a general practitioner from Flashcomment Doctor and nurse jokes Jokes
What's the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist? One treats what you have, the other thinks you have what he treats.

A man needing a heart transplant is from Flashcomment Doctor and nurse jokes Jokes
A man needing a heart transplant is told by his doctor that the only heart available is that of a sheep. The man finally agrees and the doctor transplants the sheep heart into the man. A few days after the operation, the man comes in for a checkup. The doctor asks him "How are you feeling?" The man replies "Not BAAAAD!"

Patient I always see spots before my from Flashcomment Doctor and nurse jokes Jokes
Patient: I always see spots before my eyes. Doctor: Didn't the new glasses help? Patient: Sure, now I see the spots much clearer.

A man goes to the eye doctor from Flashcomment Doctor and nurse jokes Jokes
A man goes to the eye doctor. The receptionist asks him why he is there. The man complains, "I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes." The receptionist asks, "Have you ever seen a doctor?" and the man replies, "No, just spots."

An old fellow came into the hospital from Flashcomment Doctor and nurse jokes Jokes
An old fellow came into the hospital truly on death's door due to an infected gallbladder. The surgeon who removed the gallbladder was adamant that his patients be up and walking in the hall the day after surgery, to help prevent blood clots forming in the leg veins. The nurses walked the patient in the hall as ordered, and after the third day the nurse told how he complained bitterly each time they did. The surgeon told them to keep walking him. After a week, the patient was ready to go. His family came to pick him up and thanked the surgeon profusely for what he had done for their father. The surgeon was pleased and appreciated the thanks, but told them that it was really a simple operation and we had been lucky to get him in time. "But doctor, you don't understand," they said, "Dad hasn't walked in over a year!"

The doctor said he would have me from Flashcomment Doctor and nurse jokes Jokes
"The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks." "And did he?" "Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill."

How many doctors does it take to from Flashcomment Doctor and nurse jokes Jokes
How many doctors does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but he has to have a nurse to tell him which end to screw in.

How many triage nurses does it take from Flashcomment Doctor and nurse jokes Jokes
How many triage nurses does it take to change a light bulb? One, but the bulb will have to spend four hours in the waiting room.

How many nurses does it take to from Flashcomment Doctor and nurse jokes Jokes
How many nurses does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just have a nursing assistant do it. As much as the doctor orders.

Did you hear about the nurse who from Flashcomment Doctor and nurse jokes Jokes
Did you hear about the nurse who died and went straight to hell? It took her two weeks to realize that she wasn't at work anymore!

Why did the nurse always insist on from Flashcomment Doctor and nurse jokes Jokes
Why did the nurse always insist on using the rectal thermometer to obtain temperatures? Because nurses are taught in nursing school to always look for her patient's best side.

The nurse who can smile when things from Flashcomment Doctor and nurse jokes Jokes
The nurse who can smile when things go wrong is probably going off duty.

A doctor is going round the ward from Flashcomment Doctor and nurse jokes Jokes
A doctor is going round the ward with a nurse and they come to the first bed where the chap is laying half dead. "Did you give this man two tablets every eight hours?" asks the doctor. "Oh, no," replies the nurse, "I gave him eight tablets every two hours!" At the next bed the next patient also appears half dead. "Nurse, did you give this man one tablet every twelve hours?" "Oops, I gave him twelve tablets every one hour," replies the nurse. Unfortunately at the next bed the patient is well and truly deceased, not an ounce of life. "Nurse," asks the doctor, "did you prick his boil?" "OH MY GOODNESS!" replies the nurse.

A nurse was showing some student nurses from Flashcomment Doctor and nurse jokes Jokes
A nurse was showing some student nurses through the hospital. "This will be the most hazardous section in the hospital for you. The men on this floor are almost well."

Whats the difference between a nurse and from Flashcomment Doctor and nurse jokes Jokes
What's the difference between a nurse and a nun? A nun only serves one God.

Interns think of God residents pray to from Flashcomment Doctor and nurse jokes Jokes
Interns think of God, residents pray to God, doctors talk to God, nurses ARE God.

Three nurses went to heaven and were from Flashcomment Doctor and nurse jokes Jokes
Three nurses went to heaven, and were awaiting their turn with St. Peter to plead their case to enter the pearly gates. The first nurse said, "I worked in an emergency room. We tried our best to help patients, even though occasionally we did lose one. I think I deserve to go to heaven." St. Peter looks at her file and admits her to heaven. The second nurse says, "I worked in an operating room. It's a very high stress environment and we do our best. Sometimes the patients are too sick and we lose them, but overall we try very hard." St. Peter looks at her file and admits her to heaven. The third nurse says, "I was a case manager for an HMO." St. Peter looks at her file. He pulls out a calculator and starts punching away at it furiously, constantly going back to the nurse's file. After a few minutes St. Peter looks up, smiles, and says, "Congratulations! You've been admi tted to heaven ... for five days!" Harry was in the hospital. He was an old man. From time to time the young nurse came in and said in a patronising tone, "And how are we doing this morning?" Well, this is a story of revenge. Harry had received breakfast, and pulled the juice off the tray, and put it on his stand. He had been given a urine bottle to fill. The juice was apple juice. You know where the juice went. The nurse came in, picked up the urine bottle and said, "It seems we are a little cloudy today..." At this, Harry snatched the bottle out of her hand, drinked its contents, saying, "Well, I'll run it through again, maybe I can filter it better this time."

Doctor Did you take the patients temperatureNurse from Flashcomment Doctor and nurse jokes Jokes
Doctor: Did you take the patient's temperature? Nurse: No. Is it missing?